SweetieGames

Since my autism diagnosis last year, I have been asked by a couple of people about my special interests. It always came as a surprise to me what these people thought my special interests were, vs what they actually are. I am highly masked, so I tend to not share my special interests with others out of fear of being made fun of or of infodumping on an unsuspecting neurotypical.

A lot of people thought that some of my hobbies or regular interests were special interests; I can see how they came to that conclusion, but it’s very much not the case. Some things I just like a lot, but don’t occupy the same space in my brain that special interests do. I don’t need to know anything and everything about them; I like them the same amount as anyone else who is into it casually. For example, I like Cinnamoroll and own many items related to him, from water bottles to plushies to pencil holders. He’s not a special interest though; I just think he looks cute. On the other hand, I’m currently spending hours a day playing the new Deltarune chapters and scouring the internet for any secrets I missed on my blind initial playthrough. Looking at fanart, reading new fan theories, replaying the same sequences over and over. That is what makes a special interest for me.

Special interests are very important for a lot of autistic people. For me, they give me a sense of grounding and a place to escape to in a world that isn’t built for me. I want to know everything about my special interests, and talking about them gives me energy. It’s genuinely bad for my mental health if I don’t get a chance to interact with them. They hold plenty of benefits for me and my autistic brain, but I feel like not many people talk about their downsides. There’s definitely a price to pay when you have a special interest.

You see, another thing that differentiates a special interest from a regular one for me is that a special interest sucks up all of my attention. When the new Deltarune chapters released, I had just come home from work. I had 2 more full days at work to do. That didn’t stop me from forgetting the fact I needed to prepare food for work the next day, or stuffing down my dinner as fast as humanly possible so I could go back to playing. I don’t think it helped that I was super nervous about potential spoilers floating around on the internet; I’d been waiting so long for this moment and I was terrified of someone spoiling the surprises for me.

As part of my daily routine, I enjoy playing otome games in the evening. But when I get fully invested in an otome story, I end up neglecting my need to sleep. I have save files in my games that have timestamps as late as 4am. Being tired is a problem for future me. When I eventually do fall asleep, my head is filled with the crazy plotlines I’ve just read. I’m currently playing the horror otome 9 R.I.P., so it’s filling me with lovely scary dreams as I sleep.

I was diagnosed less than a year ago, meaning I’m very behind on self-help techniques. I know that I need to interact with my special interests, but how can I stop them from taking over my entire life? I find myself wishing I could go back to being a kid, when I had no responsibilities. Staying up late or adjusting my schedule wouldn’t be as big of a deal then. But I have a job to go to! Work and chores that need to be done! Where is the happy balance?

Games definitely have an addictive quality about them; when they’re also the majority of your special interests, it can be even harder to tear yourself away to focus even on your basic needs. I’ll keep working on finding the solution that suits me! Because setting a timer also sounds very stressful.